On Gratitude

#thankfulness #gratitude #thanks

Getting a glimpse into the professional lives of others is a fascinating experience for me, as I often uncover a level of richness and depth to what they do that goes far beyond what I could ever glean from casual interactions. No matter the industry, I am time and again left with a new sense of appreciation from having learned a little more about what it takes to run their businesses. While restaurant diners enjoy the serene atmosphere in the front of the house, the men and women in the kitchen toil feverishly to prepare their dishes. Warehouse workers scramble to package goods that are passed on to delivery men on tight schedules, while we wait in the comfort of our homes for our Amazon orders to arrive. And if those orders should arrive late, our first reaction is more likely to be one of disgust than sympathy for the chain of hard-working men and women whose job it is to complete millions of orders per day. In part, this is telling of how spoiled we have become—I can recall a time when packages would take weeks or even months to arrive—but also it is a question of simply not knowing all that goes in to getting a package from point A to point B or serving a perfectly cooked meal to a diner. In every industry, the front-facing operation often belies the complexities of the inner workings and the tremendous amount of effort that is required to keep the business afloat. We as customers are only shown the pretty side, and the success of a business can in part be measured by how deftly it is able to project a simplicity of operation. When we receive the level of service we expect, we go on about our days as usual. But in the event that a business falls short of our expectations, many customers become hostile. Why, in general, has our society become so effusive in our admonishments and so lacking in appreciation?

As one who has owned and operated a medical office for nearly 30 years now, I will tell you candidly that I have dealt with my share of discontented patients. In almost all cases, the nature of their complaints is centered on the wait time at my office. My answer to this is always the same: we pride ourselves on spending whatever amount of time is necessary to fully address every concern a patient has. If a patient has many health concerns and complex conditions, the encounter will naturally take longer. While the downside of this is that patients may occasionally spend more time in the waiting room than they would prefer to, the benefit is that, once it is their turn to be seen, we will spend any amount of time with them that they require. When we are fully-booked at operating at capacity, high demands are placed on both the front and back office staff. I am blessed to have a crew that works with such efficiency and poise that, in spite of this pressure, we are able to maintain a tranquil and inviting atmosphere for the patients. I wonder if this is not the source of our patients’ grievances, on the rare occasions that they complain about the wait. Perhaps they would prefer to see us scrambling frantically to rush them in. I cannot help but think that if they knew what is required of our staff to work efficiently under burden, they would feel less inclined to grumble and a bit more eager to give thanks. Fortunately, for every one patient who airs a grievance, we have dozens more who issue praise and sincere appreciation for what we do, and what fuel that is to us. That sort of appreciation—the acknowledgement that we have succeeded in making their lives even a little bit better—is the highest reward to us.

And as it turns out, it is good for them, too. There is a colloquialism that refers to gratitude as “the best medicine,” adding that it heals the mind, body, and spirit. As a doctor who believes strongly that health exists in precisely those three, interconnected domains, I am inclined to agree. And you may be surprised to learn that there is a wealth of clinical data to back this up. Gratitude has been shown to reduce depressive symptoms, increase sleep and sleep quality, reduce pain, increase vitality and energy, and even significantly reduce systolic blood pressure. Many of these benefits were recorded after a single act of appreciation. In cases where study participants kept gratitude journals that they wrote in for five minutes a day, the positive health effects were found to have sustained for as long as they maintained their journals. And the reason for this is in fact well understood. When we feel gratitude, our brains are flooded with dopamine (the pleasure neurotransmitter) and serotonin (a mood-regulating neurotransmitter). Expressing gratitude also causes the release of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for feelings of trust, kindness, social bonding, and togetherness. Remember, all of these benefits come at the cost of a simple, heartfelt “thank you.”

Until now, I have framed gratitude exclusively in a professional context, but it is arguably in our personal lives that the greatest rewards are to be reaped from showing appreciation. Here, again, there is a treasure trove of supportive clinical research. Studies have found that people who regularly express gratitude tend to have wider social networks, larger friend groups, and better romantic relationships. Not surprisingly, studies have also shown that couples who express gratitude to one another experience longer relationships and improved quality of life. Gratitude has a similar effect on friendships, as it invites greater levels of communication, allowing friends to speak more openly about their concerns, and decreasing the chance of conflict within friend groups. The end result of stronger relationships is stronger social support, which has been found to reduce stress and depression. Gratitude has even been found to shield children of chronically ill parents from anxiety and depression, buffering them against internalizing their grief.

If gratitude is linked to such a wide range of health benefits, why do we not find ourselves more inclined to express it? I believe the answer to this has to do with the conveniences that have been afforded to us by rapid technological advances. We are quickly becoming a culture of people who are used to instant service, instant results, and instant gratification. In general, this makes us much more productive people—we are able to get more done in the span of a day—but it also means that we seldom allow ourselves the time to sit back and appreciate just how lucky we are. We have high expectations of ourselves and of each other, and while we can be brutally unforgiving when these expectations are not met, we are curiously reserved in our praise when they are met. In a very real sense, we have become spoiled by the conveniences of modern life.

Of course, the solution to this is not to forsake our privileges and consign ourselves to lives of struggle and hardship; there is no reason to throw out the baby with the bathwater. We can absolutely avail ourselves of modern tools and conveniences while avoiding the pitfalls of decadence. The key, as you are sure to have guessed by now, is gratitude. By taking a moment to appreciate the beauty of the people, the places, the services, and the goods we most enjoy, we will evoke a level of contentment that insulates us from the sense of self-entitlement that has become so pervasive today.

Remember that the depth of the appreciation we are able to hold for something in our hearts is proportionate to our familiarity with it. Have you ever found a new level of respect for someone after learning how hard it is to do their job? Did you know that it takes three days of labor and that bakers must show up to work before the sun rises to prepare the croissant you have with your morning coffee? Or that truck drivers are on the road for up to 16 hours a day ensuring that our supermarket shelves are well-stocked? How much do civilians really know about the perils to which a police officer is exposed on a daily basis? It is easy to take a thing for granted when you know very little about it. The more we learn about the people who keep us safe, well-fed, entertained, and healthy, the more deeply we will appreciate them, and the less likely we will be to chide them when they err, as we humans inevitably do.

In the end, it would not be a sacrifice, but a boon to our productivity if we were to reserve as little as five minutes a day to reflect upon the things we appreciate the most in life. By looking a bit deeper at the people, services, and goods prevalent in our daily lives, we are sure to find that we have very much to be thankful for indeed. From there, it is simply a matter of showing it, and it begins with two very simple words: Thank you.

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson